On March 30th, we found out we were pregnant with Aiden. As the weeks came, the excitement set in and we wanted to share with anyone and everyone – so we did. We drove around to share with friends on Easter Sunday. We traveled to California and surprised our families on Mother’s Day weekend. I blurted the news out at work after a few weeks of clear first trimester symptoms. The joy held within those days sharing about the life of our daughter was bright and thrilling. She has been loved by all of us from the first seconds of learning about her. 

We welcomed July 22nd with a painted sky which we called Aiden’s sunrise. This day held both our first and our final moments with our beautiful little girl. It was my greatest honor to deliver her into the world. She laid under the profound love of her mom and dad as we traced her outline into our memories. Her beautiful form, all ten fingers and all ten toes, two little ears and the cutest little lips I have ever seen. She wore a tiny pink crocheted hat. She was swaddled and cared for, dignified and held by our doctor and nurses. Our hearts burst in love for our daughter and for one another. We held these tender moments with strength and bravery and deep assurance she was safe in the arms of the Lord. Never would I have imagined this story for Tyler and I – yet I cherish it. I praise God for the gift of walking through this story with Tyler as my husband. 

Our God knew Aiden and loved her before we did. Her life was known by the Lord and it was good. Her days have always been known. She was made in His image. He wrote her life, her story. He formed her whole body. He knew her before her existence. While the results of this fallen world have caused our heartbreak, we know whether at 20 weeks or 100 years it is the Author of our lives’ who works through it all. We say okay. We release our little girl to be with her Creator, her Savior and we put our hope in eternity. I rejoice imagining her safe with Jesus - playing, running, and laughing with beautiful brown hair flowing behind her. Probably playing with dogs if she is anything like us. I yearn for us to join her and Jesus one day. While we wait, we commit to trusting God with our days here. We can still rejoice in the goodness that is this life in between and know He is acquainted with all our ways. When I gave my life to Christ, it was in recognition that He died so that I might live. In this I know Aiden is now fully alive in Christ. Oh death, where is your sting? 

If I had heard a story like ours, I would have said there is no way I would be able to make it out the other side. And yet, the rain came, wind blew and our house was built on You.

As we heard the news Aiden’s heart was no longer beating, the grief and terror took hold. But the words that rushed to mind and were said over and over were ‘Jesus be with me’ and ‘we’re going to be okay.’ Jesus was with us, and still is. I am struck by the fact that in the midst of moments I would have never written for myself we were anchored and our faith was immovable. Underneath every emotion in that room there was a sense of peace. Faith like I've never experienced before. Through everything, the assurance that He holds her, and always has, has never been a question. In the past days even amidst the anger, tears, pain and confusion, my tired heart has desired to lift my hands and worship God. At our weakest, it has and continues to be the power of Christ that holds us. 

‘Fear thou not for I am with thee, be not dismayed for I am thy God and I will strengthen thee, Yes I will help thee and I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.’ 

We are walking forward living each day by faith. 

Thank you all for being with us, carrying us, loving us and loving our daughter. I can't wait for you all to meet her one day too.

Our lives were forever changed this year by our little girl, Aiden. Our first child, the fourth member of our family (we can’t forget about Roo). From the moment she came into our lives in April, we loved her and couldn’t wait to meet her. She gave Victoria the role of a mom and me the role of a dad. It is an honor that God made us to be her parents. 

While we never expected our story to unfold like this, we are holding fast to the fact that Aiden is with Jesus forever and that we will get to run around with her in heaven one day - holding her hand, laughing together, worshipping Jesus together. We will forever grieve the fact that we never got to do those things on this side of heaven and that we didn’t get to experience this life with her. One of the things Victoria and I have talked about over the last few weeks is that we have the honor to be her mom and dad - and we always will be her mom and dad - but Jesus didn’t call us to mother and father her here on earth. She is being held in Jesus arms and in the loving arms of a better Father. I am so grateful that we got to hold her in our arms the day she was delivered, and Victoria & I eagerly await the day that we get to do so again. 

As we think about life without our daughter, God has put a few things on our heart that we want to be true about the way we live and how we honor her. While we will still have lots of hard days and moments missing our daughter, we pray we would live in a way that reflects these truths and listen to what God has to say to us through His Word. 

• Eternal Perspective: We want to trust with all our being that God is real, that He is good, and that we will be reunited with Him one day in Heaven, where we will get to meet Aiden in her fully redeemed body and get to worship Jesus with her. There is no other hope that we have besides Jesus. 

  • Hebrews 12:1-2: Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. 

  • 2 Corinthians 5: 1 For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, 3 if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. 4 For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. 6 So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, 7 for we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what He has done in the body, whether good or evil.

• Celebrating Life: Life truly is a gift and we don’t know how long it will last. Every day that we are on this earth is a new day that God has put breath in our lungs and given us this life. That is something that we want to celebrate and take seriously to be good stewards of - honoring the life He has given us and the life on this side of heaven that Aiden didn’t get to experience. 

  • Psalm 118:24: “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it”.

• Cherishing Gifts: There are so many good things God has given us - our marriage, friendships, health, the outdoors, water to swim in, good food, dogs, and so much more. We know those things are all gifts from God - nothing that we have earned or deserve, but are things He gives us because He loves us. We want to cherish and fully enjoy the things He has given us, not taking them for granted. 

  • James 1:17 reminds us that every good good gift and every perfect gift is from God, and Paul tells us in 1 Timothy 6:17 that God provides us with everything to enjoy, but that our ultimate joy comes through God, who is the gift giver.

• Holding Things Open Handedly: We have realized more than ever that we are not in control of life - no matter how much we try to dictate our lives or our circumstances. No amount of illusion of control or attempts to manipulate our circumstances can ever make us the potter. More than ever, we have realized that God is in control, and while He gives us good gifts, we may not hold those gifts forever. Ultimately, everything He gives us should point us back to Him, not become our purpose or reason for being. He is all that we truly need. We have said that we never NEEDED Aiden to be able to live, but my gosh did we WANT her. It is okay to want, okay to have desires, but trust that when we don’t have those things, our lives are not over and we still have a God that is good.

  • Isaiah (64:8): “But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand”.

• Treating Others with Love & Tenderness: As we were driving home from the clinic after we found out that Aiden no longer had a heartbeat and that we would be going back to the hospital later that day to start the process of Victoria delivering Aiden, we sat in traffic next to hundreds of other cars. It struck me how everyone was just going about their everyday lives while we were shaken with the most shocking, devastating news we could imagine. 99% of the time, I am the one on the road going about my day to day life, not realizing what the person in the car next to me could be walking through. It made me realize how important it is to treat everyone with respect and dignity, as we have no idea what others are walking through or what their life story is. Everyone deserves grace and patience, because I have seen how much we have needed that over the last few weeks. 

• The Sun Will Rise Tomorrow: No matter what we are walking through - sadness, grief, despair, happiness - we can have confidence that the Lord will bring the sunrise again tomorrow. There is something beautiful about seeing the sunrise - getting to realize that yesterday is gone, today has come, and even though the sun will set again later that night, it will rise again the next day. It is a reminder that time doesn’t stop for us - that we are not the center of the universe - but that God is in control of the days and that He will make sure the sun continues to rise and set. I have always liked the metaphor of the sun and God - the sun is always shining, whether we can see it or not. As the earth rotates and night falls, we can’t see the sun, but it is still shining. There may be days where clouds cover the sun and rain falls & lightning strikes, but above the clouds, the sun is still there, shining bright. And so the same with God - He is always there, even if we turn away or something within our circumstances blocks our view of Him.

  • Lamentations 3:22-23: 22 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

• Trials are Hard, but God is Good: Nobody likes going through trials, and we never would have wanted to go through what we have. But there is something unique about going through hard things that gives a different perspective on life and allows us to truly see our faith lived out. While we have questioned why this happened to us and why we didn’t get to parent Aiden on this side of heaven, we still know that God is good, even when we don’t understand. Our faith in God comes out most in the most trying times and while we may never fully understand why we go through something incredibly hard, we know that He is present. We have also gotten to see how beautiful community and relationships are. We are so grateful for the friends and family God has put in our life and the way they have come around us and showed us the love of Jesus - it is one of the ways we have seen Him provide for us so abundantly.

  • 2 Corinthians 4: 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So death is at work in us, but life in you. 13 Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, 14 knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. 15 For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. 16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[d] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

  • James 1:2-4: 2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

We love the fact that Aiden is our daughter. I am so grateful for Victoria and for her courage and unwavering love. God has given us a lot of strength in marriage over the last month, which has been sometime to praise Him for. She is an incredible wife, daughter of God, and mother to Aiden.

I know there will be sadness and mourning for Aiden for the rest of our lives, but we want to strive to live life remembering these things and holding fast to the fact that God is good and always will be. We want the people in our lives to remind us of these things when life feels hard - encouraging us that Aiden is in heaven and that while God still has us here, we can strive to worship God and steward Aiden’s life by the way in which we walk and carry ourselves. God is good, all the time.